My Mushroom Journey & Releasing Addiction
~Micro dosing Magic Mushrooms & releasing addiction~
16 months ago, during quarantine I got sober & researched mushrooms for months, as well as re-igniting my herbal business “Intrinsic Alchemy.”
My search included the neuroscience & psychological influence of taking a large dose of psychedelic mushrooms- Psilocybin- in one sitting with a psychotherapist and the effects of microdosing over long periods of time.
Both of these methods of taking Psilocybin have been tested & shown to be beneficial for people who suffer depression, addiction, ptsd & anxiety.
(Not a doctor, not making any claim, just telling my story & experience)
I was experiencing all of these mental health conditions at this point in my life.
I didn't want to get high, I wanted to reprogram my brain.
I was fascinated with the information & the results of micro-dosing for at least 3 months consistently. Through my search I found that combining lionsmane mushroom (good for cognition & brain health) and niacin with psilocybin opens up the blood vessels allowing the mushrooms to better do their work on the brain, such as create new synapses & new neural pathways.
Niacin can be a very extreme, masculine approach to vasodilation & so I sought alternatives that would do the same thing & Cacaosita came to me, of course!!!
After 3 months of research I felt ready to experience for myself, this sacred, wise medicine & I began my spiritual journey with Psilocybin, Cacao & Lionsmane.
The first Ceremony I had was with my Sister Emily on our rooftop under the full moon, unaware of how much was in this magic chocolate I was given, we split it.
That night my ancestors came to me, they showed me the truth of who I am and the steps needed to embody her. They showed me the drastic shifts I would need to take action apon now, to open up to being her/ my highest Self. They showed me that when I heal my Self, I am healing all the beings that came before me & all that will come after me. The work we do within ourselves affects the collective, we are truly one.
It felt like I was dying & giving birth to my Self at the same time. It was scary, exhausting, painful & absolutely amazing. Emily (who took the same amount as me) had a gentle experience and was my doula for the night, breathing with me through “contractions.”
The next morning I ended my 3 year relationship. This was the beginning of the end, a divine death of who I was & a new beginning of who I am.
I began to see clearly how every little action throughout my day was a reflection of inner wounds- ancestral wounds. I knew that my mother and my mothers, mothers, mothers wounds needed to be loved, transmuted & released. I saw how belief systems from generations before are still a part of my physical DNA that manifest in thought patterns, habits & beliefs and that I had the opportunity to end negative cycles, to purify.
Mushrooms are intuitive beings. Known as “Los Ninos” the little children, in indigenous Mexican traditions. They have a playful wisdom and remind us of our inner wisdom.
Los ninos ignite our inner-child and curiosity. They bring you into your body so you can listen more clearly to what is going on within you. They provide great insight into our inner worlds. When we take them with intention & reverence they give great wisdom & clarity.
There's so much research out there which I am so grateful for. However, what I came to find through experimenting on my self, is that listening to our intuition and building a relationship with the mushrooms will provide the greatest guidance.
Emily & I began making mushroom medicine with the 3 key elements (part.1) & other medicinal ingredients. I micrososed for 10 months consistently with intention & respect, (usually skipping 2-3 days a week, or whatever the mushrooms told me to do.)
During this phase of microdosing my intention was to become aware. Aware of all the conditions, thoughts, habits, & beliefs that were not serving my highest potential. To get really fucking honest with my Self. To look at my reflection & ask myself the question “why have I been running from you for the past 23 years?” & through this process to remain gentle and nurture myself, to give myself the love I have been searching for outside of myself.
For my birthday in October my best friend John and I went on a quest, 5 grams of Mushrooms (a heroic dose.) John & I traveled upstate where we could do the work alone in the woods with a fire & have our own ceremony.
This experience was extremely transformational. I felt completely in control & aware (which is not always the case when taking large doses) and I purged through tears, screaming, growling, spitting, I was hunched over the ground giving it all back to mother Earth to transmute. I could feel energetic pain & trauma crawling up my back out of my crown and through my hands into the Earth. She took it all with open arms, the great alchemist.
Plant medicine has guided me to dive head first into my fears, this is where growth & transformation takes place.
I did a lot of releasing during this ceremony. I could see clearly what was leaving me and where it came from.
The message was clear to be aware & wise about what we choose to consume (energetically, physically, through our eyes, mouth, skin etc.)
It was a scary sight to see clearly all the ways I had been unconsciously consuming, through the media, instagram, food, drugs and so much more.
The message was also very clear to stop taking Adderall. I was met with resistance. Adderall had been a drug I relied on to function, to work out, to be social, to work, & everything else for 6 years or so.
The moment came where I could have stayed comfortable in my addiction or expand into true sobriety & liberation. I chose absolute freedom.
I let go of adderall about 10 months ago.
It was not easy. The wound that came to the surface involved body image and weight gain. Along with the other things I had mentioned, Adderall played a big role in maintaining an “ideal weight” and allowed me to live up to society's standard of productivity & beauty.
This is a direct reflection of inner masculine & feminine wounds, as well as patterns rooted in my ancestral line. I also had extreme social anxiety (still working through this one, little by little) and would pop an addy anytime it was time to be social, along with the alcohol that had helped to numb the intensity of the Adderall and the anxiety.
I came to realize I had been running from my highest self- my power.
Stepping fully into my power would require getting completely NAKED, VULNERABLE & LOVING myself for all that I am.
It would require using my voice & sharing my gifts with the world- and that scared the shit out of me, but I was ready and willing to do whatever it took to overcome fear so I could live my life's dharma (purpose) & open my heart to the divine within all.